The World at Your Fingertips
2091
0
10 years ago, when you were graduating high school, what did you imagine your future to look like? While you were day dreaming about all the cool things that adult you would eventually do; while you were wearing your Abercrombie and Fitch jeans, covering yourself in Glow by JLO perfume (how do they bottle high school and rejection so perfectly?); while you were wondering out loud if Ryan and Marissa will ever get back together; what was the future you envisioned for yourself?
If you’re like us, some days, it’s hard to wrap your head around the idea that you’re actually an adult. Especially when, most days, you’re just trying to carve a place for yourself out in this confusing, often times scary, world, filled with vast uncertainties that range from whether you’ll make your cell payments on time to whether you or not you should move to a foreign country in case the states elect a certain loud, 2nd amendment slinging “politician” come November.
But when your daily objective is less about goal achievement and more about regret management, that’s a sign that you’ve entered into adulthood. Welcome to life in your mid to late twenties: where goals are things that include sweatpants, Netflix, and avoiding responsibilities.
We know. It’s a scary world out there, and you’re just trying to navigate its underbelly with as little interruption to your OC rerun schedule as possible. So while you may not feel like an adult despite what your birth certificate says, take heart in knowing that, unlike your former fetus self, you now live in a time where anything is possible. Not like, Harry-Potter-magic-anything possible. But possible. At your fingertips.
Because the difference between adult you and former fetus you? Besides having opposable thumbs, you have opinions on Hummer Limousines, an indifference to One Direction, a weird hankering for onesies, and the ability to manage your finances through one, universal platform, all with the touch of a button.
The world is, as the fancy people say, your oyster. And the best part? With us: that’s not fancy. There is nothing exclusive about our platform. That’s what transacting through our platform is like, and what we think payments should always be, all the time: fast, easy, with complete freedom and endless options, for all your onesie needs.
We know how we sound. We’re like the Kanye West of humility right now. But if you envisioned a future ten years ago where you didn’t have to leave your binge watching OC session to get more Fruity Pebbles and pay the phone bill and accept money from your friend for their half of Justin Bieber tickets (is it too late now to say sorry?), then we have news for you: you’re living in the future. That’s the lifestyle and ease of our platform.
Because come mid-September, we’re rolling out our purchasing mechanism. Which means you can make easy, secure payments, anytime, anywhere, 24/7, in the comfort of your unicorn onesie. It’s a game changer. With sparkles.
Our platform delivers ease and efficiency for all your online payments, be it traditional fiat or digital currency, a la Bitcoin. By taking the hassle and work out of paying and providing you one place to do it all: Justin Bieber tickets, matching sweaters for you and your dog BAE, Dunkaroos off of Amazon (we’re not sorry). For all your life decisions, both good, bad, and of the throwback kind, we’re making everything easier. Like, 10x easier.
It’s how you’ll book your flights to Europe so you can “find yourself”. It’s how you’ll send money to your friend for covering the Champagne Campaign the night before. It’s buying the latest throwback 90’s/early 2000’s trend online. It’s buying all OC seasons, 1-5, to relive your Abercrombie and Fitch-esque high school years, and then doubling back to also purchase the soundtrack to the first season because, duh, it’s the soundtrack to your life, obvs.
Cryptocurrency is changing things. It’s changing everything. And while we haven’t yet created the technology to forecast your future through time travel, please take instead the beautiful, optimistic future we’ve just painted for you. Because you may not think so, but right now, our platform and the technology of blockchain and digital currencies is completely redefining your future.
Just remember to share your newfound Bitcoin life with loved ones. Like your mother. You lived in her womb. The least you can do is treat her to some Dairy Queen.
